How I Ruined My Relationship With My Body + How I’m Fixing It

Hey guys! I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Michelle over twitter and decided I would love for her to do a guest post on ISC today!

Michelle blogs over at Skinny Mitchy, which focuses on wellness, nutrition, fashion, beauty, and so much more. She’s here today to tell you a little her past eating disorder and how she’s choosing to fix it.

I struggled with an eating disorder for the past 2 years, although I am starting to find my balance, I’m not really there yet. It’s ironic because it all started when I decided to fix my eating and be more “healthy”. The past two years, I’ve struggled with anorexia, binge eating and bulimia. I felt shameful, guilty, depressed. I felt disgusted in my own body, but the worst part is feeling helpless.

When I first started recovery for my disordered eating, I had lost about 45 pounds weighed about 115 at 5″6. I was never underweight, but I was severely sick. I stopped getting my period, my blood pressure was severely low and in terms of nutrition, I was very malnourished. The recovery process had me gaining weight quick, I was putting on 2-3 pounds a week, and this sent my stress levels to the sky. I became so cruel to myself. I wouldn’t accept any compliments and refused to believe them, I would stand in front of the mirror and cry because I hated what was looking back at me. I gave up a big part of my social life because I was too ashamed to be seen in my new, healthier, 145 lbs body.

When I first lost the weight, I had many people congratulate me, they told me how proud they were and how they wish they had my motivation and dedication. They were all so amazed at how healthy I had become, but little did they know… that wasn’t the case. To this day, I still feel the pressure to stay thin because I’m terrified of what people will think or say. I’ll look like a failure, far from what they had thought I was.

.. But I’m so tired, I’m tired of constantly being unhappy, failing to recognize the blessings I have. I’m sick of comparing myself to every girl who I was past. I’m 18 years old, and I’m making a choice to release the stress and psychological abuse that I have inflicted on myself. I deserve more. I started applying 3 key things that helped me make peace with myself and I want to share them with everyone. These tips may not relate to you if you don’t suffer from disordered eating, but you may know someone who does.

1) “You’re not a mannequin”

I stopped focusing on the physical aspect of myself, as much as possible I stopped paying attention to the space between my thighs, the size of my stomach, I stopped feeling for the definition of my collarbones. I told myself that I wasn’t a mannequin, there is more to me than what is seen. I was so worried what people would think about my physical appearance, but instead I should let them judge me based on my inner traits, because those are the things that define me.

2) Don’t punish yourself with exercise

I stopped punishing myself with exercise, I decided to give myself a break. I didn’t want to exercise out of guilt, but instead do it because I want to take care of myself. I used to workout everyday.. even with a small caloric intake, I did it because I wanted to burn off anything I could possibly put on, which I realize now is really unhealthy. Today, I exercise 4 times a week max… I don’t tell myself I have to.. sometimes I’ll go a week without exercise. I do it to feel good and strong, not as a punishment or a chore.

3) Don’t cut out any food groups. Moderation is key

I stopped cutting out food groups. I eat everything from every group. This way, I don’t end up binging on something because of the deprivation I put myself through. I noticed that whenever I try to cut out carbs or fat, I end up going crazy and eating everything in sight, which then leads to feelings of guilt and depression. Eating a balanced diet, without cutting out any food group helped me fight binging. I have a little something from every food group at each meal, this way I’m feeding my body what it needs. It isn’t starving for something specific because I fed it properly.

Everyone’s path to healing may be different, but if you truly want to get better, you’ll find a way. All you have to do is open your mind. Your body knows where it needs to be, so listen to it. You’ll see that your best body, life and peace of mind will appear before you. 

– Michelle

You can follow Michelle here:

Questions from Audrey:

  • Have you ever struggled with an eating disorder?
  • What do you do to take care of your body?

MIMM: What Does Monday Mean to You?

Here’s Monday again! Are you sad or happy? Sad smile Smile

I’m happy! It means a fresh week, more workouts, more goals, more running…

What does Monday mean to you? (Share below)

Lets recap my weekend in pictures…

I started my Saturday off with a healthy breakfast balanced with protein, carbs, and fats.

Then I sat out to run 9 miles…which due to the blazing hot weather, that didn’t happen…7.75 miles was all I got in.

It really didn’t take me that long to run though…haha! Every 2.25 miles, I stopped to get water and would just walk around til I was hydrated enough to get back to moving. And I forgot to stop my watch until I got home.

After I got home, I showered and took a nap. I was soooo tired. Its funny how sun will do that to ya!

Chipotle for an early dinner?

Cool with me…

We also went to Costco later…Can I just say, I LOVE COSTCO! Like, if I could just go there all the time and shop for people, I would.

I snacked on this when I got home…shouldn’t have, but I did…because its so good.

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Sunday was the same balanced egg breakfast, then we drove and hour to our great new church! We started going this August, and its probably one of the best decisions we’ve made.

Dinner! Stuffed bell peppers are the best!

 

A few pictures I love…

Don’t those look so pretty! ^

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I WANT a Vizsla so much! Isn’t this picture of this vizsla so cute!

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Just LOL’d at this the other day! Had to share in case someone hasn’t seen it!

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Have a Marvelous Monday and keep looking forward to good things!

Thanks Katie for hosting Marvelous In My Monday!

XX Audrey

P.S. If you happen to comment and you wrote a MIMM post, please include your link here too so I am SURE to see it! (If you don’t mind) I love reading everyone’s posts! The inspiration, motivation, and happiness is just great Smile

Things That Make Me Happy

Today is a Monday and that means…we should hide!

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Okay, maybe not. I just thought that picture was cute. But we can be a little more cheerful! So I’m going to tell you a few things that make me happy! Open-mouthed smile

1) Coffee: I love my coffee. It gets me started for the day, gives me energy, keeps me awake while I’m driving to school…AND there’s so many flavors!

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2) Running: I mean, obviously I love running. But it truly does make me happy. One good run can make my whole week amazing.

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3) A New Purse: This one is pretty random. But I usually don’t go buy me 5 million purses during the year…not even 3. Believe me, if I could just buy new purses all the time, I would…but I kinda like clothes a lot too Winking smile I would pick clothes any day. But when I do get a new purse, it makes me so, so excited. Weird? Yeah…I’m a girl.

4) Vizslas: I don’t have one! But boy, do I want one! Julie has one and Lori has one and I just love looking at their pictures of Sadie and Jax! Red heartOne day…I will have my own and we will run the world! Haha…get it? Vizslas loves to run, I love to run…run the world…never mind.

5) Almond Butter: Some people eat ice-cream and brownies when they’re sad…I eat almond butter. Definitely not butt loads of it because I like to save mine as much as possible. So, we got portion control over here!

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6) Pinterest: When I have nothing to do, Pinterest is always there for me. And I also waste about 3 hours of my life…but that’s okay! FOLLOW ME!

7) Whole Foods and Costco: I wish I had a WF closer to me because I love that place! I could spend hours…and lots of money in there. Just saying. But, I do go to Costco aaaa lot! Costco has everything I love…in bulks. So duh, it’s awesome! Plus, they have samples. Everyone, go ahead and admit, you go for the samples. We all go for the samples.

8) Beaches: I’m a mountains kind of girl, so beach trips are rare…but I love them so much! Sunsets and sand…equals perfect! Here is an Instagram photo I took back in June when I went to Destin…it’s so beautiful!

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9) Boston: I love this place. One thing on my bucket list is to run the loop around the Charles River. And I’m hoping to take a very long, long, long trip there one day…(AKA move there)

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10) Hiking: I love going hiking. I’m not a hardcore hiker (no, no, no) but I love taking day trips to hike. I love to be able to escape from the world and just enjoy nature…And I also really enjoy trail running…I wish I could do that more!

So, there’s 10 things that make me happy! Now it’s your turn! Tell me a few things that make you smile, laugh, enjoy life, etc! Go!